We want to do the drive in 5 days, which gives us time for stopping at random attractions, sampling local cuisine, and taking karaoke breaks. So with a little help from Google Maps and Roadside America, I started plotting potential paths from Leesburg, VA to Portland, OR.
Spoiler alert: there is some seriously weird shit between Leesburg, VA and Portland, OR.
I have three different options to work with. First up, I-70, I-80, and I-84: Straight Through The Middle.
States
Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon
Cities
Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Toledo, Gary, Iowa City, Des Moines, Omaha, Lincoln, Cheyenne, Laramie, Salt Lake City, Boise
Attractions
Pennsylvania
So, we're only in Pennsylvania for, like, a minute. Nonetheless, there are some excellent opportunities. Such as:
World’s Largest Hamburgers (Clearfield, PA)
Dr. Doolittle’s Roadside Café and Creamery (DuBois, PA): “History books gloss over the brief period when dinosaurs were enslaved by the Amish in partnership with Bigfoot. Lasers were involved. Statues at this cafe/ice cream parlor and mini-golf reveal the truth!”
Large Cow Statue (Clarion, PA): This is just one of the many giant statues of cows that I discovered listed among America's roadside attractions.
Ohio
Miracle Virgin Mary (Campbell, OH) – Virgin Mary on top of St. Joseph the Provider Church’s eyes glow at sunset. This is either a miracle, or possibly just sunset.
Indiana
RV Museum and Hall of Fame (Elkhart, IN) - Also an RV park, of course.
Belle “Husband Killer” Gunness exhibit (LaPorte, IN) – at the LaPorte Historical Society Museum
Live Gospel Music McDonalds (Hammond, IN) - They have a stage for local performers, and gospel groups are there a few days a week.
Carmelite Shrines (Munster, IN) – Includes a blacklight rendition of the Apocalypse (Open only on Sunday)
Illinois
There's basically nothing of interest in the little bit of Illinois we'd go through. Illinois: Wasteland of No Fun.
Iowa
Giant Mother Goose (Davenport, IA) – all that remains of Mother Goose Land. It's basically just a fiberglass statue, but a lot of this shit is just fiberglass statues.
Castle Hall (Wallcott, IA) – weird-looking replica of Scotland's Balmoral Castle. It seems to have vinyl siding on the bottom now.
World’s Largest Truck Stop/Trucking Museum (Wallcott, IA)
World’s Largest Wooden Nickel (Iowa City, IA)
The Black Angel (Iowa City, IA) – Cursed grave marker! Or maybe just a bronze statue that's been out for a while. But let's go with Dramatically Accurs'd.
Wagon Wheel Tower (Lynnville, IA) – giant welded wagon wheel sculpture!
Train Robbery Monument (Adair, IA) – features actual tracks cut by Jesse James to rob the train!
Volkswagen Beetle Spider (Avoca, IA) – It’s a giant spider with a VW for a body. Sorta what you'd expect from the name.
Black Squirrel Capital of the World (Council Bluffs, IA) - what an odd claim to fame.
Nebraska
El Sitio chrome sculptures (Lincoln, NE) – Mexican restaurant has chrome sculptures of insects and spaceships. Honestly, I'm mostly just interested in fajitas. The statues are incidental.
National Museum of Roller Skating (Lincoln, NE) – in back of the USARS headquarters offices. We're roller derby girls. We would kinda have to stop there.
Rooster Statue, Piano Requests (Lincoln, NE) – “A large crowing rooster statue atop a pole outside of a fried chicken restaurant that features a live piano player.”
Dinosaur Museum (Milford, NE): Apparently they have tons of dinosaur bones. And that's cool, right?
World’s Largest Covered Wagon (Milford, NE)
Marble Museum (York, NE) – Marbles like the toys, not like the floors
World’s Largest Plow/Sod House Museum (Gothenburg, NE)
Ole’s Big Game Steakhouse and Lounge/Ole’s Big Game Bar (Paxton, NE) – Great big taxidermy!
Wyoming
Big Statue of the Virgin Mary (Pine Bluffs, WY): There are almost as many BVMs as there are fiberglass statues in the wide world of roadside wackiness.
Buryville (Cheyenne, WY) – outrageous collection of metal art
World’s Largest Gas Station (Little America, WY) – home to a stuffed penguin. That's stuffed as in taxidermy, not as in plush. His name is Emperor. He was supposed to be a live mascot, but it didn't work out.
Smallest Town in America (Buford, WY) – 1 house, 1 gas station. Population: 1
Wyoming Frontier Prison Museum (Rawlins, WY) - Word has it that it's creepy.
Shoes made from Big Nose George (Rawlins, WY) – They are shoes made from the skin of a horse-thief.
Utah
Fun is illegal in Utah.
Idaho
Niagara of the West (Twin Falls, ID) – waterfalls!
My father the geography and roadway guru thinks this is our best option. He declared it "the most direct and yet scenic, too." I think he may be overestimating the scenic qualities of Nebraska, but I do have to admit that he has been there and I have not.
Tomorrow, Route B: I-70, I-94, and I-90, or North by Northwest.
No comments:
Post a Comment